My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
