I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
