my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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