So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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