Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
