I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
