I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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