the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
