how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
