Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
