Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
