I wish my penis had an off switch
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
