I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize