i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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