Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
