I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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