That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
