youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
