the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
