all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
