You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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