Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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