it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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