Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
