I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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