Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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