Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have so many feelings about this burrito
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize