something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
