2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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