I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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