Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
