every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
