Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
