Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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