bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
