I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
