i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
