Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
