Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
