im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
