Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
