he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
false alarm. still invincible.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Go christen that room with your naked body.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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