it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
