go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sext me about skeletons
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
