I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
