Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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