what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
