I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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