I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize