The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well I just put wine in my tea
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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