he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
