So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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