it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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