I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
