Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
