bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
