She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize