So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
