I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
