Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
