based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
