I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
