I cannot find my penis.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If I die, sorry about rent.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
