After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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