Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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