I'm so fucking centered right now
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize