Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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