If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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