i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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