If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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