careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
