I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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