Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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