I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize