I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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