Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
