Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
