fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
